VeggieFoodGuide.co.uk

Acceptable excuses

Here are ten nine good reasons not to add a recommendation for somewhere good to eat on VeggieFoodGuide:

  1. Masochism - I don't want anyone to know about my favourite pub or restaurant in order to drive it out of business. Then I'll have to go back to the pre-made, microwaved lasagnes. I deserve nothing better.
  2. Puritanism - Vegetarian food shouldn't be enjoyed - it should be endured. No-one must know about this evil place of wickedly tasty food. Now, can you pass me my turnip, bark and pebble sandwich please?
  3. Sadism - Ha ha ha. No-one but me knows about this great place. All those other fools have to suffer bland and boring food while I dine like a king! Haa haa haaaaa!
  4. Malfunction - I've just tipped half of a strawberry and fig smoothie into my kreybaaord aNd thwe lweettrs aaaaaarwe c0mING OUY fuNNnnnnnnn+++yy++++++
  5. Optimism - I'm sure that the general quality of veggie food in pubs and restaurants will reach a uniformly high standard really soon, so there's no need for web sites that show people where the good ones are.
  6. Lack of attention span - You know how it is; you get all geared up to do add a place when... I wonder why all the aliens on Star Trek spoke perfect English? Ooh! Look at that dog!
  7. Chronologically challenged - I'm currently defusing a nuclear bomb that's set to go off in 3 minutes and I'm just taking a quick break. Do you want me to drop everything and write about a good pub in Kensington, or should I continue to stop London and it's surrounding suburbs turning into a mile-deep smoking hole in the ground? Hmm?
  8. Pessimism - What do I know about good food? For all I know, everyone else might prefer those soggy, tasteless, frozen-on-the-inside-but-fusion-reactor-hot-on-the-outside, pathetic excuses for a lasagne in a cracked dish, with your choice of oven chips or 1/4 of a bag of Lidl-brand "Economy Salad".
  9. Surrealism - I'd love to help but I'm too busy strumming an albino lobster with a hatstand.

These are all very good reasons not to add somewhere you know to the list. If your reason isn't as good as these then I'm afraid you are going to have to add somewhere to the list. Go on - these really are the only good reasons not to - whatever you are thinking of isn't!